I Don't Like Coffee!

I am one of the few adults I know that doesn't like coffee. You all got on the coffee bandwagon one day when I was probably looking up info on cartoons and left me behind to drink other childish beverages. Why does this piece of information matter? Because adults get together and drink coffee!!! It is the standard arbitrary task that is necessary for social interaction between adults. Kids they get together and play. Adults: coffee and a chat. Does anyone else think that the kids are the ones with the right idea?

I'm sure that a few of you are starting to see my point so I'll get to how this relates to this subject.

I also don't like social networks! They are the coffee of the online world. It seems like you are all willing to swallow the bitter filth that is social networking but I'm not drinking the Kool-Aid (or coffee). I'll accept that we have to live in a cafe culture and I'll even meet at a real cafe so you can all get your fix as long as I don't have to choose my blend and sip from the hole in the lid of a Styrofoam cup. And on a similar note, I'll accept that social networks may be part of my job but they won't follow me home.

But how will I stay connected in this fast paced Web 2.0 world? I have a phone that is always on me and unlike so many others, I actually answer it when it rings or beeps. I am as reachable and connected as I want and, more importantly, need to be. I don't feel the urge to announce that I went to the shop for bread to everyone I've ever known and my musings on life are best inflicted on whoever is in the room with me (and inflicted is the right word if the look on my girlfriend's face is anything to go by. I bet you're feeling a little inflicted upon right now). I have nothing interesting to say to the world that isn't pointless or fictional and no need to connect with that guy I played with in kindergarten (I'm sure he moved on too).

I'm not asking you to smash your coffee mug or to shut down your facebook account. All I'm saying is that there are other beverages out there and other ways to spend your time. Have a milkshake and disconnect from the social networks for a little while. Get off the fast paced Web 2.0 world for a few minutes and join the few of us left in the real world for some old-fashioned fun.

I realise that I am almost the last adult holdout in both social networking and coffee and I don't care if facebook now offers a timeline of the banal events of my life or if i can post as many pictures of my dinner as I want to to flickr or that a latte is more milky or if a mocha has chocolate (and why would you waste chocolate like that? It's like drawing a moustache on the Mona Lisa), I'm not joining the rest of you and no arguement you put forward can make me. And if we do happen to connect in the real world and decide to hangout, I'd rather we got together and did something more fun than consume steaming hot caffeinated liquid. Come on people, we were all kids once: exercise that imagination that is dying from lack of use and come up with a fun activity that doesn't involve your aromatic drug of choice. If nothing else, go with Will Hunting's pickup line and offer to take me out to eat a bunch of caramels.

I do like caramels!